These are the oftentimes tumbled thoughts of a bipolar mind going through rapid cycling. You have no idea what it is like to try to think while your thoughts are racing and your opinions are changing as they are being formed. But some of this is just life, depression,anger at being misunderstood and discriminated against, or maybe it's just the medicine or I've just really lost my grip!

Saturday, October 27, 2007

The Daughter Eludes Us




In the continuing saga of the youngest daughter, S who will not indicate whether she is okay or not, today we continued to try to contact her all to no avail. Her best friend called me to say that she can called the neighbors, and they are concerned as they have not seen S since Monday although they hear her dogs going in and out of the doggie door. Her sister and I discussed that and she finally called the police to do a wellness check. She also called and left a message on the phone to alert her sister that we had contacted the police. Well when the police arrived, the car was gone from the garage and the dogs were racing around in the window. So, we know S is okay...she left the condo knowing the police were coming. I could now gleefully wring her neck for worrying the entire family. I have had visions of her lying unconscious or dead in that condominium. Meanwhile S has been sitting in there listening to all of our messages asking her to call and let us know she is okay and not responding. She is obviously ill -- mentally. We believe she is out of a job, out of money, in a house that is being foreclosed upon and she is deep in debt. Her stories have included that she has a new job in Dallas, a house in Dallas and is moving there this weekend.
There is nothing more that any of us can do except wait until she hits rock bottom. Sad but I must put this in the basket labeled "Things about which I can do nothing" and have the wisdom to know that that is what it is. and I must have faith that God will shed light upon her and clear her vision or force her hand into therapy. All prayers are welcomed.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Update

Note two new poems on Micello's Poetry.

My Daughter's Sanity and Safety


I haven't heard from the youngest daughter in over four weeks. Only an email a week ago which said "Hi mom". She is not answering phone calls or emails from any of the family or her friends. A couple of friends have stopped by her house and she doesn't answer the door. The way her condo is arranged there is a gate and you can't get to the door but have to use a call box...which isn't working. She is totally incommunicado. Needless to say, I am worried...her sister is worried...her good friends are worried. I can picture her inside drinking...or passed out.
Rumors are that she doesn't have any money...that the house is in foreclosure...I know that he didn't have any life insurance. Her business failed because she was so busy running him to the doctor and hospital that she couldn't take care of the business. She, of course, has denied that she has financial trouble...but she has had trouble with the truth lately...and I don't know quite what to believe. So tonight my brother and I drove 35 miles to her house and it was dark and the car was in the garage but the dogs didn't make any noise. It is likely she wasn't there. Tomorrow, her husband's exwife is going over there with the police and a key to check and see what is going on. She told a friend she was moving to Dallas this weekend. I don't know what to think. I have begged her to just call and let me know she is ok. I even explained that worry is causing me to become a little unstable. Hoping I will hear something soon. I am deathly afraid that when the exwife goes over she will find her in there dead. She has been making up background information about herself and posting it on the internet. I know she is not in her right mind. I am really concerned.... It's odd feeling like the sane one.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Heredity -- Bipolar Strikes Again.

I have been under a great deal of stress watching my youngest daughter go through the severe illness (liver disease/alcoholism), death, and funeral of her husband. She has been behaving very strangely -- telling untrue things-- mood swings -- grandiose plans -- spending and money out of control -- This has been going on for some time but increasingly worse in the past three months. Of course she is resistant to any suggestion that she has a problem...Her sister and brother and I have all spoken to her and her reaction was one of anger. She is exhibiting delusional behavior now and I discussed it with my pdoc who said that it sounds like she is definitely bipolar possibly with borderline personality disorder. Just waiting to hear that she is in big trouble and then telling the authorities that she is the daughter of a bipolar person in treatment and that she needs psychiatric help. If I had known I was bipolar, I wouldn't have had children -- I wouldn't have passed this on to another person. As it is, two of my three chiildren are...the third one has a problem with depression. Go figure..

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Let's Alleviate Poverty: One Campus Challenge


I got involved in the subject challenge because I have a granddaughter at the University of Arizona. She is a freshman on scholarship there and made me aware of a very cool project going on on college campuses across the nation. A direct quote from the site: "Our generation can end extreme poverty and University of Arizona can kick some collegiate booty along the route." Go to ONE.org/campus and join in. Another way to participate: text UARIZONA to 62523.